Wild Apples

My Autumn Tree

My Autumn Tree

by Sue Petrovski

I looked beneath the bark
And color,
A mockery in beauty
Of my aging life.
Played out in golds and bronze.

This old crone of a tree
With its ugly, bony limbs,
Yet filling my world
With the shimmer of burnished bronze;
Sharing my sunlight toward the end of day.

This tree grown from weed?
That reaches now toward heaven
With limbs that downward
Bend and twist; a crooked wreck
But beautiful in an unseen way.

A gnarled copy of my own
Ripened image.
Sowen, as I
In unremarkable soil
From roots of
Unreknown birthright.

Noble only in its color
And stature and task;
To provide shade and shadow -
Doing only as bidden
By genus and phylum.

But more. I lived that tree.
My heart’s joy is in
It’s yearly blessing
As it aches and stretches toward the sky,
Yet readily performs
Its charge on earth.

Who needed more of
An Aging tree - or man
Than what has been given:
Purely, beautifully,
In a grand and honest style?

What did it owe
Besides the valient fact
That it looked beyond the edge;
Moving and flowing with
The tides of life.

It was there.

A Message At Easter

In Iran and other places in Muslim communities the New Year has recently been celebrated with visits and parties with all of one's family and friends. The Seder is being celebrated in Jewish homes and in Christian homes, all mothers are getting ready for an Easter feast. In every corner of every culture this is a time of togetherness and deep prayers for peace and understanding. My Easter feast is a message from my Iranian friend, Alireza Taghdarre who, by the way, is a Shiite Muslim and has family ties to the Dervish communities in Iran. In his words I think we can all find room to feast.

"Every page of every word of wisdom we hear or read kills the old ego and gives birth to a better existence that lives on better spiritual foods. But there's the pain we have to endure for it. Everything comes at a cost. The pain of knowing we were wrong before. The pain of asking the things we don't know. The pain of being aware of our ignorance and of knowing that this ignorance is part of a greater ignorance that we are not even aware of. That is the kind of pain I endure while reading Walden: it's all about birth."

Together, perhaps, we can all survive this pain that we all feel around the world. Perhaps - just perhaps - an answer is to be found by taking off our cultural blinders and finding out how much we have in common?

The River Called Duality

What is reality? Oh, my!  That might take us a while.   My Transcendentalist friends would say that Man's reality, - and this takes us back to what is human nature - is dual in nature:  the physical and the spiritual.  This gets complicated but analogies, such as the river are master keys to open our own nature to us.

The river has banks that can represent the limits to our learning - the senses can only detect certain light rays and decimals and feelings.  Our harddrive is hardwired that way. 

That being the case, the river has depth, and the light plays on the waters and opens our minds to that is above and below.  Where does it come from?  We can only, now and then, feel the chilly but stimulating current from its upriver springs, and as we see around a bend we are aware of that which we didn't notice before:  as new springs and tributaries run into the river it deepens and widens and grows.  Where it is going?  "One life at a time."  Is it real?  My mind's eye says "Yes".

A Golden Rose

In New Harmony, Indiana there is a Roofless Church.   This quiet little community was settled in the early 1800s by the Rappites, a group of German Lutherans unhappy with the established church. This religious, but very practical and creative group, discovered that they were too far from Eastern markets and returned to Pennsylvania a few years later.  Rapp sold the property to Robert Dale Owen in the 1820s and Owen with his "boatload of knowledge" sailed down the Ohio River to the spot on the Wabash River where New Harmony is situated. 

Two ostensibly unsuccessful communities, one religious and one founded by an atheist full of an evangelistic need to spread the idea of universal education and intellectualism were both located in this very primitive spot in southern Indiana.  Here two diverse Utopian dreams tried to come to life, each willing to move to the edge of the wilderness in order to show man how to create a better world  - one through religion and one through the mind.  Both communities were shortlived.

Today the community is well worth a visit.  "Unto thee shall come a golden rose..." These words are imposed on the cornerstone of the Roofless Church whose dome is shaped like an inverted rosebud and casts the shadow of a full blown rose.The Golden Rose, a symbol of the Rappites belief that they were establishing the kingdom of God, based on the Lutheran Bible verse, Micah 4:8, has become a symbol of the entire community.  The Roofless Church was commissioned by Owen's granddaughter who believed that only under the open sky could all men come together in prayer.  Jacob Lipschitz, a jew, designed the statue that is centered under the arch of the inverted rose.  It is a dove and an inverted heart which Lipschitz called "The Virgin".  It was a symbol, he said, "For the better understanding of human beings on the earth so that the spirit may prevail.   

In addition to the old Rappite buildings and the Owens Laboratory, the Labyrinth and the Maze are creations of peace and life for the visitor.  The Golden Rain Tree graces this lovely little town, and Paul Tillich whose ashes were scattered in the park in 1967, loved the community for its symbolization of a better life for man and more awareness of the spiritual life in this contemporary world.  A stone in the park reads:  "Man and Nature belong together in their created glory - in their tragedy and in their salvation.  Tillich's memorial is dedicated to the bridge between philosophy, theology and technology.  His contribution to this age. 

Suffering and Courage

There is such a thing as  "The Courage to Be"  Paul Tillich spoke of it.   Existentially, to live on the abyss and still act with determination, direction and a faith in something larger than ourselves in spite of little evidence to the contrary takes real courage.  I guess some would call it stupidity or naivite'.  I don't know.

Thoreau would have said "Men reverence one another, not yet God."  And we do that, don't we?  We read what someone wrote, hoping to find a key to something greater.  We create a God that is "Us"  Stopping there, we find it difficult to look beyond the God of our creation to reverence something more.  To have the courage to act beyond self toward a Godhead that may not even exist has a  real and classic courage to it. 

Miguel de Unamundo put it thus,

"There is no true love save in suffering, and in this world we have to choose either love, which is suffering, or happiness...Man is the more man - that is, the more divine, the greater his capacity for suffering, or rather, for anguish."

  Jose Ortega y Gasset: "Life is a petty thing unless it is moved by the indominable urge to extend its boundaries.  Only in proportion as we are desirous of living more do we really live." 

And this takes courage. 

I have never been a Catholic, but tonight I sent this Newsweek article to my old friend who is suffereing. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7000002/site/newsweek/   IThis Newsweek article is about suffering and it has made me see the Pope's Precious Suffering message in a new light. Catholics show the Christ on the cross and make much of suffering and courage.  It is a stigmata of faith.  We protestants or whatevers don't deal much with suffering or even courage. We look more for life, life, eternal life, ignoring any painful investigation of the life we are presently living.

Thoreau was drawn to those that suffer, be they a small Irish boy who needed a coat, his dear brother who died of lockjaw,  or a black that needed to escape a cruel master.   

Henry had such faith in his ideas that he had the courae to give up home, wife, children, wealth, and stability for his inner search.  This is the courage to be. 

I don't know if this makes much sense - but thank you for making it seem safe for me to share, so openly, my random thoughts.

Sue

Directions For A Life

Well, I didn't get very far with my January Thaw.  Lacking the product, however, I have been very involved in the process. Somehow I always feel that just around the corner is the sublime answer to life, but it's not.  As you can see, I haven't found much to share.  I felt a flicker when I read Emily's poem, "Conclusion", but a lot of irrelevant thoughts came chattering in, interrupting my focus and my composure. 

What thoughts?  My thoughts have evoked lots of questions, but no answers.  Does our desire for something beyond bring forth images of the rainbow bridge, a white light, a perfect world with golden streets and lollypop trees?  Is the fact that we can imagine a utopia an indication of ultimate reality? 

Or are we doomed to dust?  Paul said that if this is true, mankind is the most sad of creatures, for we know of our end and we are aware of our life.  Why this awareness?  Why am I so aware of my self and yet find your thoughts foreign and distant?

I was struck by Johnny Carson's comment that he would like to do it all over again.  So would I.  I envy the Hindu and their dream of reincarnation, and I would love to know that there is a happy hunting ground somewhere waiting for us all. 

On his deathbed, Henry Thoreau was asked about his view of the next world, and he answered, "One world at a time."  He also is reported to have breathed the words, "Indian" and "forest".  This would be in keeping with his idea of nature as the perfect habitat.  Perhaps that was his heaven. 

When my father died, his eyes opened wide two or three times, and he looked at me with a fierce need to tell me something - but speech was not possible.  I so wonder what he saw.  I dreamed later that he appeared to me and said, "Don't worry.  Everything's just fine."  Comforting, but inconclusive. 

This life should come with an accompanying set of directions:  "How to live and how to die."  Instead we have ambiguity.

True History or Fake History?

If I went to the holy land, or to Rome I would be able to view articles of divine faith - remnants of Jesus' crib, the scene of the manger, the hill upon which he was crucified, but is this important?

"To find the point where hypothesis and fact meet; the delicate equilibrium between dream and reality; the place where fantasy and earthly things are metamophased into a work or art; the hour when faith in the future becomes knowledge of the past; to lay down one's power for others in need; to shake off the old ordeal and get ready for the new; to question, knowing that never can the full answer be found; to accept uncertainties quietly, even our incomplete knowledge of God; this is what man's journey is about , I think."  - Lillian Smith, The Journey

  Even though truth may lie where fact and intuition meet, it isn't true that opinions are just as good as fact and it's not true that all opinions are of equal value.  How does one judge whose opinions are of the sound variety and which are like bubbles in the wind?  And, more importantly, who is telling the real history vs. the fake history?

  In school we were warned that any statement of fact needed to be verified with at least one "reliable" source.  Of course, the most reliable source is a primary source, with secondary evidence more reliable if more than one supposed expert person agreed to it.

  However, what does one do when there is no primary evidence, or if the primary evidence is ignored? Do we invent it?  Do we only believe that which we see?  Seems that recently we have been doing a little bit of both.

Recently there has been considerable discussion about red states and blue states - each getting to the place in which we only listen to their appointed gurus - facts from outside our particular sphere of influence are ignored.  This is a really scary state of affairs! 

  Perhaps we have brought it on ourselves.  The proliferation of communication devices buries us under a sea of "Facts" and our media moguls are more interested in what sells than what is verifiable.

  Sadly, most of the facts today are really opinions.  We are saturated with talking heads and opinions, some of which have posed as facts and been proven false. As a result, we trust ourself and our dog - and sometimes I wonder about Clancy!!  With a name like Clancy Petrovski he's got to be subversive!!

  Sometimes facts are unimportant.  It really doesn't matter if Jesus was illegitimate or not, and it isn't important whether the oil burned with a bright light for so many days - what matters is that there was something profound and inspiring in the lives of the people that were touched.  That's what appears to be Truth.

  Who do you listen to for your "facts"?  I listen to myself and that little voice inside that says "Yes!" when I hear the fact or opinion of the moment.  Not a very scientific way of making such important decisions, but...what the hell!

Fascinating Mind Clouds

The environmental chains that limit mankind are frustrating: science humbles us when it shows truths, such as the limits of our eyes to light rays, or the discoveries that show our old physics limited to only the macro world.

Flatlands: A Romance of Many Diminsions, by Edwin Abbott is a small, meaty book written about 100 years ago but is being reprinted because it has much to say to our present world in which so many people believe their beliefs are absolute. The world in Flatlands is two diminsional and the Flatlanders are only able to view that world in those terms.  It is a very small book that has remained in my mind for over 30 years.   

However, it isn't just our physical limitations that should cause us to be more humble in declaring our beliefs sacred, but beyond the physical, there are so many mind clouds to investigate - so many ideas, nuances and insights that we have not yet investigated - this is the transcendental way of life.  Henry Thoreau says it best.

"They who know of no purer sources of truth, who have traced up its stream no higher, stand, and wisely stand, by the Bible and the Constitution, and drink at it there with reverence and humility; but they who behold where it comes trickling into this lake or that pool, gird up their loins once more, and continue their pilgrimage toward its fountainhead."  (Civil Disobedience)

I'm always astounded by those who believe they have reached the limits of their mental and emotional powers and to whom nuance, subtleties, or "what if's" are frightening at best and sinful at least.  I am sorry for such persons.  It is as though they are living, hemmed in by the rain when "the sun is but a morning star".

I know that this is not the way they see it.  It is comforting to them to feel that their present view of the universe, life, death and science is enough.  To experiment, to look at the "void" is too frightening.  However, We owe ourselves the broad horizon of the Western sky.  We have to cut down the forests that hem in our ideas and luxuriate in the freedom that provides.  My resolutions for the year 2005 will include:

1. To reread Flatlands
2. To investigate more thoroughly new ideas in Quantum Physics.
3. To research the religious world more throughly. I plan to begin with the books of Sister Joan Chittister, the Friends and others.
4. To research end of life issues more carefully.

As I grow older, although I believe one has to continually search for answers, I don't believe that one ever 'arrives'.  I think there are limiting shades across our vision - as Thoreau said on his deathbed, "One world at a time."  Those of us who are Christian remember the Biblical phrase, "Now we see through a glass darkly, then face to face."  So ......one world at a time, but for the good of our present world we need continue to strive and remain humble.

Where Is His Loving Arm?

After this election is over, there is going to be a lot of wounds to heal. Whoever is elected not only will have to try to build a coalition in the middle of the political and economic world, but, religiously, we have to rethink our roots and our truths as Americans.

When over 60% of American Christians have become evangelical, those of us who don’t consider ourselves in this multitude have some thinking to do. What would God want us to do in this situation?
Every U.S. president since 1976 has professed to be born again, a statement that caused a friend of mine to say, “ Well shit, guess that tells you why things are in the toilet!”

Another friend wrote, “In my twenties, I thought any obstacle could be overcome with enough love and rational talk- but now, I see people whose thought processes are so vastly skewed from my own- there could be no meeting there.” She goes on to say that her son collected a “repent or go to hell” booklet in his Halloween bag from some well-meaning Christian neighbor.

It’s difficult for some of us to understand why protestants, who harken back to Martin Luther who cared enough for a personal religion to nail his determination on the door of the Catholic church, cannot see that by asserting the position that there is only one way - my way or the highway – we are going backward to the time when the priest told the congregation what to do to get “saved.”

Being born again – not a new idea, not a bad idea, but interpreted in different ways to different Christians. Does it mean as some assert that to be born again makes one ‘saved” and once saved, always saved? And after I’m saved, God tells me what to do. Puts one in a bind, doesn’t it? W can’t say he made any mistakes concerning Iraq because “God told him what to do.” God can’t be wrong.
Or, does being saved mean that at a place in time we decide to try our level best to work for what God would want in his world. Religion to many Christians like me is a personal decision and comes from the feeling that enough is never enough. I will never be saved on my own merit – only by the grace of God. I may waffle in my decisions because of the difficulty of determining whether it is God’s will or my own will speaking to me. However, we who believe thus are constantly striving to find that which is beyond; one decision leads to more introspection, causing us to search further up the stream of insight and intuition.

Our realization and reason tells us this is an imperfect world and we are imperfect creatures. Unlike the solid born again Christian element we are quite tolerant – even of the intolerant. We tend to believe that all men in the USA can believe as they wish – we continue to chant this mantra while the other, and in my opinion, questionable interpretation of Christianity in America is giving comic books to our kids.

The Christian soldiers march on, preaching fear and willing to do most anything in order to get God’s word accepted – and what do we preach? We think we preach love – As John Kerry said, “The Bible verse I was taught that is very important to me is ‘Love your God with all your heart and soul and your neighbor as yourself.” If this is our motto – we can use it as a litmus test to view our actions:
How do I love my neighbor as myself - In Iraq, the Sudan, at the voting booth, in my neighborhood?

It really may take too much reflective thinking for the average American to even come to grips with this idea. No – the born agains’ way is easier – use the church and the government to force others to do as you believe God tells you to act. If that entails lying – do so. If that includes death to women, children and young soldiers or doctors- do so. If that includes any manner of under the radar activities – do so. If that includes scaring little children on Halloween – do so. God is on your side.

But……if he is on your side, how come I feel His loving arm around me?

Strong Hearts Grow Faint At the Thought

At long last, it seems to be dawning on the media that religion is playing a gigantic part in this coming election. Faith is something we Americans hesitate to discuss and, as a result, when doctrine enters the picture we are just not adept at seeing what unites us and what divides us. We somehow assume all Christians believe the same thing when this is very, very untrue. We have major differences in our views of the Good, the True and the Beautiful.

Evangelicals, exemplified by the Southern Baptist Church believe that one must be saved to be a good Christian. Salvation to this group may be a personal thing, but one “knows” a good Christian by their beliefs and their works. For example, life is sacred (they are very pro-life), they are mostly against stemcell research, and along with the gun lobby, the majority will march anywhere to “Onward Christian Soldiers”.

It is a sin to abort a fetus, but it is necessary to invoke the death penalty. Their interpretation of the Calvinist doctrine is that if a person fails, it is a personal failure, but if you succeed it is God’s Will. I was informed that divorced persons hadn’t prayed enough.

Once saved, this Christian never doubts that God is on his side, and that the hunches and opinions he has come from God. He has the ability to pray to God one day, talk of love and children, but be very selective about the color, and religion of one upon whom one lavishs love. George Bush has made an executive decision to award Faith based programs for the needy. He is to be lauded for this. However, never ask how many Jewish, Buddist or Islamic Faith based programs are awarded.

Bush also exhibits what is to me one of the most dangerous traits of the “born again.” Once saved, God’s speaks to these persons and if God has told one how to act, then how can one admit to having made any errors in judgment? Is God wrong? Not on your life. We’ve begun to see some of this doctrine at work. As one Southern Baptist lady said, “Allah is a symbol of evil.” They are all “evil doers” because of the evil that one group of Islamics created. But, and never forget this, they have always been “the infidel” and from the time of the Crusades there is little change in the evangelical attitude toward the Middle East.

Bush’s eyes glow when he tells how wonderful it will be when we can “bring democracy” to these nations. What he really means is that he wants to create an atmosphere in which evangelism can work. Remember, to the evangelical there is only one way to God and thus to heaven.

Sound familiar? Way over south of the Mediterranean Sea are those who are wielding a scythe for Allah and their view of what Allah is instructing them to do is to convert the world to Islam. Allah has spoken to them, and they are willing to give their lives, with out quarter to fulfill the will of their God.

So, in this corner we have…..
I don’t think there has ever been a more frightening time in the history of the world. That may be an exaggeration, but when there are two groups to whom God is giving diametrically opposed messages and both are, or soon will be, armed with nuclear weapons and a rigid belief in the Godliness of their cause, it causes strong hearts to grow faint. (More later)